I should have knocked on wood harder on Sunday when I got up to bear my testimony about happiness. Not because I'm not happy now, but because I should know better than to think God will let me glide through life for too long before encountering some type of curve ball. This week's been an interesting mix of dealing with some pretty hard situations involving student's home lives as well as projects brewing in the back of my mind, and how those home lives affect the projects, blah blah blah. Along with that is my list of things to do by... tomorrow that I've been putting off and off. Job searching is becoming very real, weddings and birthdays are coming up, things are just busy. It's just one of those times everything catches up with me and i realize i really am still a student, as far removed as I feel from BYU sometimes. And talking to my roommates, there honestly is NO way to make kids care about what they're doing. It's impossible when they dont' care about the subject or you or even themselves, when there's a total disrespect for every person in the classroom and it's made to be your fault. It's like some of them have failure so wired in their brains that nothing can penatrate. And so you, as a new teacher, just want to help and not give up like it seems so many of the oldtimers already have, but at the same time giving up sounds so appealing sometimes cuz, for the love, people have agency, whether they know it or not. But man ALIVE! they don't learn things! they forget so much! i feel like i talk and talk and then they forget even MORE. two steps forward... 5 leaps back. i'm so glad i live with other teachers that know exactly what i'm talking about when i need to vent. Cuz when i try to tell stories to anyone else they get bored very quickly. i love my students, i do.
Marci and I figured out it's like this: some weeks are the "little things" weeks when even just the smallest bit of recognition or attention means the WORLD (that was my last week), and then you have "i'm getting pounded into the earth" weeks when you get chewed up one side and down the other and you feel like you aren't learning a single thing. I suppose they told me that when i came out here, there will be days when you really wonder why you didn't just stay in utah. but you'd be wondering the same thing if you were in utah, why you didn't just come out to DC. funny the way life works. It turns everyone a strange shade of bipolar.
so no worries, i'll be bright and beautiful in a couple days.
Like check this out. So I was carrying around my 50 pound bag and walking the ___ blocks from school to the metro tonight, thinking about how much i just wanted to be out of my heels and on some massage table with someone feeding me grapes and cheese. And then i realized that my family is coming to town tomorrow and i have absolutely nothing to complain about. How awesome is it that i get to see my parents, Staci and Judd, Isaac, and Brian, all weekend long.
Then i got home to read a letter from my cousin, Bryce. He's in Iraq right now serving in the military and he's absolutely one of my heroes. Most of you know me well enough to know my outlook on the war and mostly on the servicemen, so reading that email gave me a perspective i really need right now. He's there in the desert fixing tanks and vehicles and seeing much more dire situations than I could probably imagine, risking his life, and yet making sure never to complain about conditions and being tired and missing home. He just got 2nd place overall in a 10K! I sometimes kid myself into thinking that i could do something like that, be that brave, volunteer to do that for my country. But when it's all said and done, i dunno if I'd make the cut. All Bryce had to say in response to things that he wants sent to him is
"Remember these people in your prayers so that peace will come to those who are working for it. I think the best thing that ya'll back home can do to support the effort here is to just keep the values of our country true. Tell them to keep living honest lives and serve their neighbors. To support honest leaders who want the best for the majority. To remember what our forefathers have done to maintain our liberties and rights. To keep the American dream alive. I think that it is amazing that anyone can follow their dreams and find real happiness with just a little hard work and sacrifice. You just can't find the opportunities that we have in very many other places in the world."
Then I got another email from my cute grandma telling me all about what she and my grandpa have been up to, their struggles and triumphs over the past little while. i tell you, i come from good breeding ground :) I think i have the best family ever.
So one by one things start looking brighter. I keep thinking back to General Conference last week and I am so grateful that we have a living prophet on this earth. I'm glad i have reality checks that make me want to be a better person. i'm glad i get to hear about values like charity and integrity and service. That i get to hear apostles of the Lord speak the words this world needs to hear about citizenship and scriptures and faith. Cuz i'm learning more and more each of my 23ish years that people don't get to hear about that stuff. Ever. and i get to improve myself because of it. I'm so grateful for a prophet!
And... i'm done for tonight.
This is all a very strange dream. -Deana, my roommie
Marci and I figured out it's like this: some weeks are the "little things" weeks when even just the smallest bit of recognition or attention means the WORLD (that was my last week), and then you have "i'm getting pounded into the earth" weeks when you get chewed up one side and down the other and you feel like you aren't learning a single thing. I suppose they told me that when i came out here, there will be days when you really wonder why you didn't just stay in utah. but you'd be wondering the same thing if you were in utah, why you didn't just come out to DC. funny the way life works. It turns everyone a strange shade of bipolar.
so no worries, i'll be bright and beautiful in a couple days.
Like check this out. So I was carrying around my 50 pound bag and walking the ___ blocks from school to the metro tonight, thinking about how much i just wanted to be out of my heels and on some massage table with someone feeding me grapes and cheese. And then i realized that my family is coming to town tomorrow and i have absolutely nothing to complain about. How awesome is it that i get to see my parents, Staci and Judd, Isaac, and Brian, all weekend long.
Then i got home to read a letter from my cousin, Bryce. He's in Iraq right now serving in the military and he's absolutely one of my heroes. Most of you know me well enough to know my outlook on the war and mostly on the servicemen, so reading that email gave me a perspective i really need right now. He's there in the desert fixing tanks and vehicles and seeing much more dire situations than I could probably imagine, risking his life, and yet making sure never to complain about conditions and being tired and missing home. He just got 2nd place overall in a 10K! I sometimes kid myself into thinking that i could do something like that, be that brave, volunteer to do that for my country. But when it's all said and done, i dunno if I'd make the cut. All Bryce had to say in response to things that he wants sent to him is
"Remember these people in your prayers so that peace will come to those who are working for it. I think the best thing that ya'll back home can do to support the effort here is to just keep the values of our country true. Tell them to keep living honest lives and serve their neighbors. To support honest leaders who want the best for the majority. To remember what our forefathers have done to maintain our liberties and rights. To keep the American dream alive. I think that it is amazing that anyone can follow their dreams and find real happiness with just a little hard work and sacrifice. You just can't find the opportunities that we have in very many other places in the world."
Then I got another email from my cute grandma telling me all about what she and my grandpa have been up to, their struggles and triumphs over the past little while. i tell you, i come from good breeding ground :) I think i have the best family ever.
So one by one things start looking brighter. I keep thinking back to General Conference last week and I am so grateful that we have a living prophet on this earth. I'm glad i have reality checks that make me want to be a better person. i'm glad i get to hear about values like charity and integrity and service. That i get to hear apostles of the Lord speak the words this world needs to hear about citizenship and scriptures and faith. Cuz i'm learning more and more each of my 23ish years that people don't get to hear about that stuff. Ever. and i get to improve myself because of it. I'm so grateful for a prophet!
And... i'm done for tonight.
This is all a very strange dream. -Deana, my roommie
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