So grant me the licence to have one more really long blog, i know they're hard to get through but i have lots on the brain... i guarantee they'll get shorter in the coming weeks.

The past few days have just been full of moments of reflection and gaining some valuable bits of knowledge about what i'm doing here and why, just how this all came about.
We visited both Ellington and Wilson High Schools this week and i'll tell you, the minute i stepped into Ellington, the thought just crossed my mind, "i can't do this. i can't teach these kids. they know more than i do, they're..." but then i just stopped and watched and talked to a few and as the minutes passed i came to see yeah, they're high school kids. and however small it is, i do have the experience of a college education. but even more than that, there has been preparation going on in my life far beyond what my BYU education gave me that qualifies me to be where i am right now.
First, my whole life i've been learning to be a learner. While i do have a passion for teaching, i love learning so much more. those who know me know that i have a million questions about random things and the people i LOVE to be around are people who, even if their attempts fail, at least try to answer a few of those outlandish questions. I've figured out the incredible truth that you can learn something from every person you meet. I love to listen and to learn. Young Fonua was talking to me last week just before i came out here and really put things into perspective for me when he told me that no matter what happens in my teaching, if i'm learning from my students, than i'm a successful teacher. I think i believe that.
More and more i see how EFY has shaped me into the person i'm actually enjoying becoming. I'm friendly, yes, but my experiences in really pushing myself to talk to every single youth i came in contact with the past 2 summers has taken all the hesitation and yeah, even fear, out of approaching anyone at all. People don't mind talking to you at all, especially once you pick up on what their passions and strengths are and capitalize on them. But how much you pass by when you give up the chance to ask a person their name and look in their eyes with the intent to find out who they are! How much you deny yourself when you find your life too busy to acknowledge people, to be friendly! The south is ALL about greeting everyone you see and saying good morning in a BIG way. i love it.
I recognize one boy specifically in Ohio this summer was placed in my path to teach me about how the young mind works, to teach me more about listening and about pride and appearances and how people react when they have an audience. all these things that potentially mean nothing to the people reading this blog right now but will mean everything in the world once i step foot in a classroom of my own on monday. I know that those opportunities come not from coincidence, but from one who sees and knows everything i am and i will be, who has some pretty amazing things planned for me if I stay the course and hang on with him by my side.
So many more things come to mind, jewels i've picked up in the past little while, being doubly prepared, caring more about the kids than about what i'm teaching, so much that i hope i don't forget. Cuz honestly, however idealistic these things might seem, no matter how hard it is to actually see them executed when the pressures in the classroom come, i hope i ALWAYS remember them. Teaching isn't worth it if you forget who you're teaching. And no, I don't have a good handle on discipline and management. i'll be the first to admit that i'll get flustered and fail a time or two or more in that arena. but regardless, these concepts work. i've seen them work through the teachers that have affected me more than anyone else in this world. People matter. The youth of today matter. they hold the future and i can do my part in helping that future be better. Call me an idealist, an optimist, whatever. maybe i don't mind.

I can't get over how quickly DC has become my home. I just shake my head when i think i've been here only 1 week. When i walked into an inner city school yesterday, i had this rush of this is where i'm supposed to be right now. this is what i pictured when i thought of myself as a teacher. this is the scene, no matter how loud or rugged or rough around the edges, i want to work in. it is worlds away from my own high school experience and yet it feels so familiar (yes, all you EFYers i know what's going through you head right now!) I thrive on the energy, the excitement, the extreme friendliness, the undoubtedly different atmosphere that is in DCPS. i know Ellington will be a great launching board for me. I'll be honest, i might get to the point that i miss the jocks and high school sports :) But i really do feel at home. my roommates are my sisters. my ward has taken me under their wing. I'm so grateful for the gospel.

My best friend Emily came home from her mission on Wednesday and i finally got the chance to talk to her! It was music to my ears to hear that very distinct laugh once again. she's coming out here next month, i can't hardly wait. she's been the biggest source of inspiration to me over the past 5 years and i'm proud of the work she's done in Hong Kong. Mostly i'm just stoked she's back :)